It started with me when I was looking out my window at work and noticed the storm approaching. Since I commute to work by the Metro (i.e. DC's subway system), I knew I needed to leave promptly at 4pm to miss the storm if I didn't want to arrive home soaking wet. I sent an instant message to my wife over gChat that I was headed home and shut down my work computer.
As I started walking home from the Friendship Heights Metro stop, the rain began slowly. I could feel the big drops of rain as one slowly dripped from the sky like a faucet that had just been turned off. I picked up my pace into a jog as the sky became darker and even bicyclists where riding faster. As I passed one of the intersections on my way home through this residential neighborhood on Military Road, I heard someone yelling my name, "Gordon,..., Gordon!" I was hoping that I was just hearing things, but I glanced quickly back over my right shoulder and saw my wife, Danelle. "Just great!", I thought annoyingly.
I stopped jogging and waited for her as she ran towards me from across the street. She pulled out this small umbrella and excitingly said that I could join her. I knew it was enough especially for this storm that was about to pour at any second. And sure enough - the rain began to pour. I shouted, "Danelle, we need to run!" We both started running as small branches started to fall in front and back of us, which we managed to dodge. Then she stopped running. I looked back at her being a little upset and shouted that she needed to run. She ran again for a moment and then said she needed help with her bag. Then she said she couldn't run because she had sandals on. Needless to say, by the time we made it to our apartment building we were soaking wet.
Danelle was laughing and made the situation humorous. I was not in the mood for jokes and softly expressed that I was angry. She didn't understand why and began to explain to me that I didn't have to wait for her. "Yeah right", I thought. We walked into our apartment and she continued to explain how none of this was her fault and I shouldn't be angry at her. We took off our wet clothes, put on some dry clothes, and continued to our normal routine at home. I got on my laptop and she went to do something in the kitchen.
Shortly after I starting writing on my laptop, I began talking to my sister. Danelle came by me a couple times, brushing up against the skin of my shoulder and giving her usual sign of needing attention. After years of experience, I knew she wanted to talk more about this conflict we just had. I hung up the phone with my sister, went into the kitchen, and asked Danelle what was up. She said she wanted to have resolution over what just happened. I began to explain that I'm not mad anymore and just needed a little bit of time to cool off, which I did. This moment of being angry for being caught in the storm's downpour was nobody's fault but my own, yet my feelings were real and I needed to let myself relieve my anger gently by having some me-time. I continued to explain to her that I was not angry "at" her until she became insensitive to my feelings and continue to neglect my feelings by adding humor in my face. I included other options that I could have chosen to prevent myself from being angry at her, but all of those options (like pretending that I didn't hear her while jogging home) would receive the consequences of her telling me throughout the evening of how I just left her in the rain, how I didn't care and a branch could have injured her, or even how she had some feeling that I ignored her to keep jogging home. Furthermore, she would now have another story to tell her friends about how careless I was towards her. As I explained this to her, she recognized the depth of our conflict, acknowledged my feelings, apologized for being insensitive to me, and verbally applauded me for knowing her.
We hugged, kissed, and said "I love you" to each other. We both became happy that we came to an understanding from a gentle conversation and saw good fruit from our years of marriage counseling over conflict resolution. What started as a small conflict could have easily became a great marital disaster. Yes, conflict resolution in marriage is extremely difficult in the beginning. But with time and practice, it gets easier and brings forth a wealth of happiness.
Toasting to Dr. Schutz this evening and praising God for him. :)
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